Strangled by the Tiffany Network

I had a dream last night - I was a contestant on Big Brother. Naturally, I was the resident Puck and managed to make the resident Julie (Katie Couric) cry repeatedly. When the cameras were off, however, she chased me up the house's central staircase, pinned me against a wall and choked me with her lovely, lithe fingers. "What do you think this is," she asked somewhat rhetorically, "a game?"

Don't worry, when the cameras came back on moments later, the whole nation saw her true face.