Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Publicity picked a sweater that would emphasize Scarlett's very real acting ability, as opposed to something else. Still...

Dress her in the Berlin Wall, and you'd still find a velvet curve or two.


Attention - all hands on deck for CNN's breathless coverage of baby Noor, the hottest cause celeb straight out of the "Why We Fight" file.

When troops from the Georgia National Guard raided a Baghdad home in early December in search of insurgents, they discovered a baby girl with a severe case of spina bifida. Doctors believe she has only a short time to live without medical attention. Their goal now is to get her to Atlanta where a neurosurgeon has promised to perform a delicate operation free. "We ... collectively decided this is going to be our project," said Sgt. Michael Sonen. "If this is the only contribution we have to defeating the war on terrorism, this is going to be it."

Indeed, curing spina bifida may be the best
way to win the War on Terror from the jump seat of an M1A1.

Good work Guardsmen, seriously. Now, if only the 10th Mountain Division would shell Morningside Heights, I might be able to get someone to look into my pesky back aches.

For details, an interview with Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss, and more little Iraqi munchkins saved by America's divine beneficence, go to CNN. Thinking ahead, the Low Culture* hydra already has a moving list of even more inspirational house calls.

*BTW - LC's last post was the 12th. Have they gone the way of TOTC and the Spinch Dip, or are they simply giving their gallbladders a rest during the holidays?

Saturday, December 24, 2005


Sunday, December 18, 2005


Our parent's generation has seen great strides in ice cream and related technologies.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


I’d really just rather not die. I mean, I know at some point in my life I’m gonna have to – but I’d just as soon live – wrinkles and goiters and all - thank you very much.

That said, if I have to go some 80+ years from now, I request morning, evening, or deep into the night. There’s something about going at 2:48pm that would just suck.  

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Being male, laundry day is strictly an “out of ‘roos” affair, which can get tricky when your days are packed like mine.

Thank God for cold snaps and longjohns.

Sunday, December 11, 2005


Where the heart is.

Thanks to Dana and Omodern

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Dear Mr. O’Reilly,

     As we gather around our Christmas tree, we shall remember how your efforts have kept the spirit of the holiday alive in our pagan hearts and toast your health with the finest copped liver money can buy.

God bless you and God bless America,

The Bell Family

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


You know, Moby Dick is long-due for a new Hollywood treatment.



{Rondel and Jared walk away. Jack turns back to his car. Suddenly he stops. Close up - cell phone attached to Jack’s belt. Screen is lit. Close up – phone display, “Caller Unknown”. Jack holds up phone, pauses, answers.}

Voice on phone: Jack?

Jack Bauer: Who is this?

Voice: That’s not important right now. What’s important is that I have something very precious of yours and if you don’t do exactly what I tell you, I might just have to break it… or should I say her.

Jack Bauer: You have Kim?

Voice: Oh no Jack, she’s safe – for now. Hold on a sec Jack, I just want you to say hello to your favorite cousin; she’s our… guest for the moment.

Jack Bauer: You kidnapped Lucy! Now listen you if so much as…

Voice: Lucy?

Jack Bauer: Yeah.

Voice: No, no – Shelly. We have Shelly.

Jack Bauer: Shelly? Oh yeah, Shelly…  you bastard!

Monday, December 05, 2005


See, some people might not know that Major League
Baseball Comissioner Bud Selig is Jewish.

But the Daily News is on top of the story.

Good journalism, all in the details.

The Daily News: "
Yanks losing at Money Ball"
Gothamist: "Losing Money Hand Over Fist"

Sunday, December 04, 2005


I don't know about you, but I'm with the Egyptians. When you die, Anubis weighs your heart against the feather of Ma'at, and, if it's weighed down with bad deeds, he throws it into Ammit's mouth, consigning your soul to oblivion or what have you.

I mean, look, I can understand that some people in this world might not want to belive that a giant crocodile could eat their soul...

..but that's just not me.

1 of 9

"We cool man, we cool - just, just put it down man - put it down - we can
work this out - Sharlee never said she was married."