Approximately $1,551.15

Walking home tonight I realized that of all the books I could have stolen when I worked as a page in the Chappaqua Public Library at the age of thirteen, Bruno Bettelheim's The Uses of Enchantment was a pretty fucked up choice. No, I still haven't read it.

A Variant of the Primitive

Behold this humble code redressed and repurposed for our favorite Stella-swiggin' Master of Social Work.

Link to The Katie Show.

God help you.

The King of Comedy

Which liberal method comedian zinged:

President Bush has painted himself into a corner on this issue, and he needs a face-saving compromise to get out of it. Here's my proposal: Let Harriet Miers run the ports.

Click to reveal.

Looks, trenchent wit and a fanatical Kaufman-like devotion to satrical caricature that makes Stephen Colbert look like Jimmy Fallon - I see a college tour with David Cross in someone's future.

Tete a tete

Carl XVI Gustaf (Carl Gustaf Folke Hubertus Bernadotte) His Royal Majesty, The King of Sweden and the Chief of the local Seneca tribe talk shop in Chautauqua County, New York - 'mid 1970's.

Litterally

“Ok, so hundreds of thousands of viewers visit our site every day hungry for knowledge, and by God they find it. But the cool quotient - we don’t have the cool quotient. I want our readers to think we’re authorities on everything under God’s glorious fucking canopy - including cool! I want you to be our point man on cool. So get out there with your pens and your J-school degree and find me cool. Find out what’s cool. Get under cool’s skin. What's happening today in cool? Answers! That’s what I want! Nail it, define it, refine it and get me 600 words by sundown - and spellchecked dammit! Ok... what's next?”

Link to CNN’s cool.

Archeology

You little liar, it was "Pump" and you know it. (Via Rolling Stone) That's it, Boy Wonder, just add another knuckle sandwich to your running tab.

Anyways, I have a difficult time remembering that far back, but if memory serves...

1^st Vinyl LP - was either this or this.

1^st Cassette - pretty sure I shoplifted this one.

1^st Compact Disk - Hmmmm, was it this? Nah, it was probably this.

1^st iTunes Download - Was this. Think I can refund it for this?

Billionaire Boys Club

When I was young, I always knew that the weekend block of children's programming was over on PBS when the dot-matrix credits for "Wall $treet Week" rolled out and the craggy visage of Louis Rukeyser took over the screen. Thus did I always associate the question of money markets with the end of happy times and thus did I embark upon a series of choices that led me down the road of almost total financial ignorance. But today's children... well, they live in a greater, wider world:

Soon... children everywhere will have the chance to amass financial wisdom from a cartoon version of the man known as the Oracle of Omaha, Reuters reported yesterday. [Warren] Buffett is going to star in "The Secret Millionaire's Club," a DVD series for children 5 to 12. Produced by DIC Entertainment, with headquarters in Burbank, Calif., and shares listed in London, the 13-title series, featuring the words, voice and likeness of Mr. Buffett, tells of an unscrupulous developer accumulating properties in Omaha and foreclosing on the local youth center. Four children raise money to rescue the center and turn to Mr. Buffett for weekly financial and investment advice. (From Arts, Briefly in the NYT)

Cool, hunh? Like Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo without all the toprocking. God willing, no latchkey kid will ever enter puberty without knowing how to spot an undervalued local utility with a low-price-to-earning ratio.

Nom de Guerre

Gorillaz igned a special military helmet to be auctioned off for the War Child charity. The cartoon band's effort is available to bid for now at ebay.co.uk. It is the only one of its kind in existence.

Gorillaz' Russel said of the initiative, in conjunction with the movie 'Jarhead': "War Child do a fantastic job of helping the victims of conflict, providing the exact kind of long-term support that children in these areas so desperately need. But they do need funds in order to continue their work. So in an effort to raise money for the organisation I've drawn a dead duck on the side of one of these helmets." (article at NME.com)

It's funny how sometimes fictional people can be more generous than most real ones.

The Glamour of Living in New York

Right now, on the opposite side of my block, media and mourners stand outside the wake for Israel "Izz" Rameriez, the part-time bodyguard who was shot and killed under the employ of Busta Rhymes at one of the rapper's video shoots (link to story). I passed the funeral parlor and Rameriez' house on the way home from errands. Without a doubt, this is the biggest, most exciting thing to happen 'round 106th street since this.

Oh, and I heard some children's show host from the50's took a header off the top of my building.

I feel like a superstar just walking outside!

Screwing the Pooch

Even though the calendar from Hunan Balcony says it's the year of the dog, it seems canine abuse may be in for 2006 (along with Vikings, geyser explosions and ragtime music).

Puppies Being Used to Smuggle Drugs (NY1)

Sony Puts Robot Dog to Sleep (CNN)

Expect to see "Red Hook Stray Dog Safari" notices on NonsenseNYC in the coming weeks.